Kris Jordan

The water’s been rough this summer. Hit by an unexpected storm. It is strange how life presents such surprises, such challenges. For over two months I struggled to figure out what went wrong, why everything changed so suddenly, what has been happening, and where and with who it has been happening, ever since. As I figured out the true answers to those questions, boy… boy. I had a choice.

When challenged by someone you truly love with true disrespect, disappointment, dishonesty, and disregard, you have a choice. I had a choice. Feeling pain? No, you have no choice there, unfortunately. The choice was my outlook on the situation and on her. The choice was what should I do about it? Everyone told me I should be really mad. Even she said, “I am fully prepared for you to hate me and never talk to me again.” My dad always taught me, though, no problems were ever solved with anger or hatred.

So I had a choice. It wasn’t until I made it up to Maine - two plane rides sitting beside her empty seat - and had tried to contact her a few times with no response that I got really mad. At times I had been somewhat angry before. This was different. I was really mad. I stayed awake that night with childish, vengeful, angry thoughts filling my mind. I thought about how I would feel justice by revealing the truth behind her summer to the people she has been deceiving. I knew where she really was, who she was really with, why she really wasn’t here. I was really angry. I wasn’t comfortable with myself thinking and feeling in that way, though. I knew those weren’t my father’s son’s thoughts, for sure.

So I had a choice. It wasn’t until today, the last day of my trip to Maine, that I found my answer. I had laid down those angry thoughts for the duration of this trip and gone on happily in denial. Today I hiked alone. I made it to Green Point. It is a large rock formation that jets into the ocean and is surrounded by evergreens. I walked out to the edge of the cliff and sat down, my legs dangled. My stomach tightened up as I looked down onto the crashing waves 40 feet below me. I leaned back. The air was crisp and the bright sun made tiny twinkles of light in the ocean in front of me. Sea gulls casually flew around. The scents of the ocean and evergreens were invigorating.

I made my choice. Somehow in that moment, on that rock, with a deep breath, I found my peace with the situation. I made my choice. No anger, no hatred. No retaliation. No fighting. No angry words. No, that is just not me. That is just not me. What true love could ever end with hate?

Forgiveness. That is my choice. Forgiveness. It is not easy to let go of someone I had grown closer to than anyone before. It is not easy to say good bye to someone who once made me promise her I would never say good bye. It is not easy to forgive someone who selfishly caused me so much pain. But I have to and do forgive her. It is not easy but it feels good. It feels right. I know it is right. And I’m smiling again. That is what is important.

I have really appreciated everyone who gladly put up with my endless need to talk about everything this summer and who offered support, encouragement, and kind words. I know this past year I had grown away from many of you, my closest friends, and it has meant more than you could know that everyone is still here.

So her year is over and I’m ok. I know I did everything I could have done. I forgive her for what she has done this summer and I’m moving forward.

Now… my friends…

Now… it is time I get back to my dreams.

Now… it is time I get back to me.